i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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