I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
