3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
