Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
