There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
