the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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