This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
