i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
