What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
