i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The adults are the big ones right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
