I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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