Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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