Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
