We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize