Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
