Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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