hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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