i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
