Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
