I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
