no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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