Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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