Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
