The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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