just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
