She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
