Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
