You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
