Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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