Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
