How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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