Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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