i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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