I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
