It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
