She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
