Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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