Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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