is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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