Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
