thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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