if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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