You just made me feel so damn special
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
