now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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