I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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