I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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