tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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