I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
