i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
