So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
