Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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