i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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