Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
