I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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