I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
