You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
