At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize