Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
