I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
