tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
