please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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