wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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