i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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