Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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