so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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