go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
