And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
