Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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