i already hear my dad disowning me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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