Have you finally orgasmed yet?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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