Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
