If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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