after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
