Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
