im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
