Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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